wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
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I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
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I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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