im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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