Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka?
Forever.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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