I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
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You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
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you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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