you inspire me to be a worse person
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
