I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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