girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize