Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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