So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
