there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
