Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize