You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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