I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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