I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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