That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
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buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
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I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...