While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
were you high?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..