OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO