So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Please. i have SOME standards
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.