This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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