I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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