My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
