That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
