I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
