Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket