saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing