I wish my penis had an off switch
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.