He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
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I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now