I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
