i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
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