Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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