I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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