He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
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I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
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hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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