I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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