I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
