Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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