Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I can't put those talents on a resume
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize