So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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