So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
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