Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
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LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize