...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
