my vag is so smooth its legendary
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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