whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
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The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
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Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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