I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
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Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
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only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club