I'm so fucking centered right now
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
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Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
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I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby