So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.