I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
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All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
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I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants