I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
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I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
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I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I know her cup size but not her name....
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