I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
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