Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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