Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
