if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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