but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
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Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
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Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's