Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
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I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
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mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"