He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?