if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong