I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
