I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
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I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
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How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats