His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.