They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
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Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
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That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.