when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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