You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
