We're like a lot better than the average bears
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
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I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
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I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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