I'm an idiot
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Intervention is following me on twitter.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.