nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?