i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.