Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?