I would do horrible things to your vagina.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
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We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
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Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children