I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
