Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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